d13tpeach

An entry..

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 04:14:30 GMT

So it has been so long that i have been updating this journal. Sometimes I just don't want to write just because it probably would depressing. But that is what a journal is for right?

Right now, i am just trying to enjoy my day off which is not much. Basicly waking up when everyone else is already out of their houses and had lunch, and I would still be at home with my pj's i should add ;o).

I am just thinking what my life is going to be like? Is this it? Its kinda sad actually. Like your searching for the meaning of life? What is the purpose for me to be here? I still haven't figure it out. Well maybe one reason is to have my daughter but other than that..not much. I have yet to find what my purpose is and I am sure it is not what i am doing now. I still feel i have a bad cloud following me all around.

I met this guy the other day. He is really nice and cute, secure, everything that you wanted in a guy. But i don't know, i know is going to be the same pattern with me. And yes i don't think any of it, i will drown myself at work as usual. I am up for a vacation but i am not even exited about it..what does make me exited anymore? My work? Sad...

Just my luck...:op

Tue, 16 May 2006 22:11:13 GMT

I can't believe it...i guess i am in denial..it all started this mother's day thing. I saw all the happy people with their *gee i sound bitter don't i?* families. I was like where is my family? I mean it is ridiculous. I have been living by my self since I was 15, why am I getting so paranoid now? I guess I thought that I could take the world on my own. Then I realized that i probably couldn't. I need someone else, not only need, i want. You can't be alone forever, and I don't think I want that either. I take so much, I keep so much in me, and I just have to accept the fact that i am not that strong either. Maybe I am hiding my vulnerability. I still feel the big cloud over me. It just make me think where I want to be in 5 years. Maybe it is time for me to grow up and face the reality.
To tell you the truth I don't really think about the future that much. I only think about for right now, which is not that good. The day by day, hey if that what it takes to survive for right now, that is what I am doing. Whatever works for me.

Than I am talking to this dude almost everyday, actually everyday, he is way younger than me. Has all the sweet talk, but honey, you are talking to the number 1 stalker of myspace ;o), i check all comments back and forth thank you very much * it is not my fault that your page is not private :op*. So if you are "into" as you said, why are you still flirting with all these bunches of girls? And only sweet talk with no proof, it is not helping either.Been there done it thing *sigh*, no matter how old man are, they still act the same and stupid. I am just not into these games. >:( and I don't want to get involve either, i am kinda hook at his voice damn it >:( *grrr &*^%%#$!!!* Than to see his blog :op...dedicating to some chick..it bothered me..I don't know why!..Gee i am wayyyyyyyyyyy to obsess with this myspace thing *grrr#$#$#^$^$^$*((&^%$%#W#!!! Adios!

Wed, 03 May 2006 23:32:20 GMT

So where was I? My mini vacation which is not long enough! On sunday I went to Hazy's house to see my god daughter. She is so cute. I kinda feel guilty having not seeing her for so long. And Hazel told me that her favorite toy is the Eyore I gave her, which is so sweet. I have to spend time more with her.

At work I was kinda upset because my area is falling apart. But what can I do? I can only do so much. I don't think my new boss is supporting me and Waldo enough. I felt bad for him, he so deserve to be promoted, and I know how he feels. I want him to get it, otherwise all this 4 years is a waste. Our old boss use to support us so much. But what does our new one said to him? She said he sucks. Aren't you suppose to be supportive to your team lead. We did overnight which we didn't have too, but we do it because we care >:(. I am just so mad. And she also said she has a favorite Team lead. No favoritism!!! I probably look like a tomato now...>:(.

So than I was telling to my friend abt how Kev only calls me after 3 weeks and so she said that means he only wanted one thing. But I didn't even do anything with him :op. Not even holding hands! So i don't think it is true :O(. I hope not.I hope not all the guys are like that. I hope HE is not like that :o(. Sucks..

Grr

Tue, 02 May 2006 17:03:39 GMT

Ok so I did another closing and overnight......I am so tired now but I can't sleep. Me and my brain that won't stop!! So anyway, I wanted to continue to write what happened the next day which was saturday, than after that I will tell you why I am cranky now.

So anyway, on saturday I went with Jennifer and Faby to the Mets of Arts. I have been dying to go there. I usually go there at summer time, I love love going there. Every time I go there I feel that I am in another lifetime. My favorite area is the Renaissance and Baroque paintings.
From Peter Paul Rubens, Botticelli, Titian to Raphael...no one ever can make paintings like that. I also love the Egypt section and Greek section, Roman, I actually I almost like all of the section. And the sculptures are also breath taking, very detailed, they don't forget a thing.
I just love love the Mythology, the gods and the goddess, I am obsess about Aphrodite. Well anyway from around 4 pm to 9 pm we were at the museum. Of course we had a "break" to eat, we had to go outside because who knows how much a Hot Dog would cost there in the museum. I was so happy to see Mr. Softee outside the Mets., I was already running accross the street but alas it was only me running towards there :-">. So we had a mad expensive pizza.But we had a awesome times.

To be continued ...( We're sorry about the interruption..but the author is falling a sleep now..)
Good morning, Good night and good luck ;o)

PS: I bump into Andrew at the subway station today when I went home this morning. Mind you he called me saturday morning, left me a voice mail which I did not listen to and I did not call him back yet. So in conclusion I was embarrassed. Thank god we both acted stupid and not mentioning about "the call".

The mini vacation..

Mon, 01 May 2006 05:25:50 GMT

So this is my last day of my so called mini vacation. I didn't really plan to go any where specific, my intention is just to breathe a little and smell the roses. I had a great weekend, i don't remember when was the last time that i really spend time to relax and just enjoy. And that is what exactly i did.

On Thursday i did all my errands, i just wanted to get everything over with. On friday i went out with Jennifer to Rodeo Bar which Kevin invited me to go to because his friend was playing there. When I heard the name of the bar was Rodeo Bar ( and I actually went to the website), to be honest with you I was not really thrilled. I am just not into country music. I had this bad experience with country music when I went to florida last year. When you have to listen to it all over and over again, it just made me crazy. Anyway, the only reason I went is because Kevin had invited me too.

Mind you, this guy has disappear for 3 weeks now, the last time I spoke with him was april 7. Anyway, out of the blue he decided to call me on tuesday night. I was working overnight so I didn't receive his message until wednesday morning. I called him back wednesday night, of course he didn't pick up but he called me later that night. The conversation that we had was kinda weird. He was "trying" to explain why he was M.I.A that whole time. Than out of the blue he asked me, "Are you okay? Why are you so sad? I read your blog." I was speechless at first but I told him, it was about work bla bla. Than he ask me if I wanted to hang out this friday or saturday. There was some moments that was akward I think he sensed it, i mean to make a call or text, just takes you seconds. You just don't have an excuse to disappear for 3 weeks. I mean some part of me was happy that he contact me but than again I had this I don't care attitude. I hate that in me. That is one of my defense system that I don't like. For me trust is number one, once you betray me, I have this I don't care attitude. I don't want to be like that to him. But this guy just confuse me. And another thing, he had time to check my blog but can't call me?

So anyway, the Rodeo Bar was not really impressive because I feel like bunch of pickles in a bottle squeeze all together. The music was not the original country country. But as I said i only went there because I wanted to see him..with heels I should add!! Do they even notice this stuff I do not know! He was pretty cool when we were there, try to make conversation. But he interacts more with his friends but i notice that he paid attention to me because I had this guy in front of me who was sitting down and he keep on moving, and every time he moved I
felt that I was going to slip. Remember i have the heels here, it is not the same with sneakers :oP. So I keep on giving him dirty looks, and he saw that. Oh and there was this one weird guy he was checking out Jen lol. I just can't explain the face and the dance, you just had to be there. Kevin had his friends came from miami, so he wanted to take them somewhere else and he ask me if I wanted to go. I said sure, ofcourse :op.

So the second place we went to was Groove in the village. The band that was playing there was awesome and we had tables. He sat beside me. Not much of an interaction coz he was paying more attention to the friends. But we slip some jokes here and there. He was more touchy than before, i guess he was more comfortable. So we stayed there until 3 took the train home. I think he was drunk coz he keep repeating himself. Or he tends to talk too much when he tries to break the awkardness. Maybe trying to impress. Actually, i don't know why he acts that way. Before his stop, he asked if i was going to be ok and said he would see me soon. Okay I don't know how soon is going to be but I am not going to try to contact him. He is the one that has to make the move. If he was interested. SO we will see..

To be continued...

A day in the laundromat..

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 05:50:01 GMT

So i was enjoying my "mini vacation". Of course all that involve chores too, if only I have a magic wand, it would be so easy. So i had to do my laundry. You could see all kind of people in the laundromat. There was this one old man that was so mad at this kid. This kid was running around the laundromat with no worries. He was yelling at him in spanish but i could understand some of what he was saying. He was like where is your parents, how could this kid be allowed to run around. But he was so aggravated by this kid, that the kid at one point was just starring at him, wondering why this old man is so upset with him. Mean while, the parents was all the way at the drying machine minding their own business while their kid was yelled at by a crazy old man. Go figure that one out. After that old man was tired for yelling at the kid for 20 minutes, he got excited when he saw Shakira on tv. So suddenly his mood change and he was yelling "Shakira"..making a dance gesture..(btw the song was Hips don't lie)..and "Shakira". Oh what a day i had in the laundromat. What loneliness could do to a person. Now when you see in the movies or read in books the perfect way to show you when you love someone is so cliche. Like they even invented valentines day for god sakes. When I think if you do love a person, you should show it every day and not with just gifts but the small things in life. Like how would you know if a guy loves you or not, just by the way they act. Of course occasionally flowers or gifts would be nice, i am not saying its not, is just that is not the most important thing. It made think about this because I saw this old couples who was doing the laundry. The husband was helping his wife to do the laundry, and for some reason she had to leave. So he stayed and fold the laundry but not just any laundry, his wife's intimates stuff and he fold it so nicely too. Now if that is not love I don't know what is. We could probably count how many man would do that! So when you think that showing love is only with gifts, think again. There is much more to life than that. ...and me still looking for that ;o).

A day of a workaholic :op

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 21:52:17 GMT

So I close yesterday and I stayed and did an overnight. The good thing about it, was that I had Matt training with me, poor guy, he had to follow my schedule. Mind you that from 12 am to 9 am I did not take any break. That is how crazy I am. I don't know how I do it, or why am I so crazy like that. And poor guy, i told him, whenever he wants to, he can take his break but he didn't want to. So anyway, anytime 2 people was better than one. I had so much done in 9 hours. 80 % of what was suppose to be done was finished. I was so proud, i showed what I had done, they say it look great. But seriously , they don't notice every detail thing I did, and the sad thing is, no one would care enough to maintain it. How much you want to bet, by the time i come back on monday, it will be destroy. Alas, i was proud of what I did, it was like my passion and fire came back. I think I had lost it when my ex boss left. Now it's coming back to me, I kinda feel like my old self. Its just that sometimes, I have to try to be not so hard on myself, which i know I am.

My ex keeps calling me and bothering me :o(. He keeps asking for me to send him money. After what had happened. Not once did he even asked me, was I okay or what happened to you? All he ever cared for now and before was himself. So selfish, I think that is why my life had to go this way. Every thing that happens, always have a reason. So now I am just going through my journey.

The other day, I saw Maddy's Baby girl. She was so cute.

Oh and another break through....a call..lol...

Mini vacation...here I come...

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Just what I feel...

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 03:30:37 GMT

So this weekend I had to work, thank god I only open. But it was not that bad, is just that it was so busy by afternoon. Nothing exciting really happened, I was just exhausted. Oh and this friday I went to the movies with a old friend of mine. I don't know if he consider this as a date or not,but for me it was more of a hang out. I mean he is nice and all but I don't think it could be more than that. And I hate this because I think he is a good friend and I don't want the friendship to be ruin if let say I just want to be friends. And he is such a nice guy too. So we will see what will happen. Oh i bought this magazine ( no Jen, it's not the $1.99 one lol), it has this special horoscope section about love :op. It said for my may forecast :

"With Jupiter backsliding through Scorpio until early July, you will be in high spirits.
Still, you can't seem to stop thinking about a former lover.
You will be richly rewarded once you finally move on."
I know , i know. i should not believe this stuff. But hey, i am just nut case who loves these kinda of stuff. Cant' help it ya know ;o).
It is so me to not let go of the past. Buy hey that is just how I am, I don't easily trust people. I don't easily like people too. But when i do, i will still have feelings for them for a long time. *Sigh* That's just sucks. Okay I am hungry now...I will be back :oD.